We have been married long enough now that people who know us seem to have a sense that it’s inappropriate to ask. Oh sure, there was the extended family memeber that got her head bit off last summer. There are occassional references to, “if you guys decide to have kids…” But for the most part, it’s only people we are newly introduced to who ask us if we have kids or if we want them. I chalk it up to “desperately trying to make small talk with strangers,” and I cut them a break.
Recently though I was at an event where I sat next to a woman I’ve never met. I wear a wedding ring, and my attendance at this fund raiser implied a certain level of civic responsibility and socio-economic status. So it’s not a far off guess that I might be a desperate housewife. “Do you have children?” She asked innocently.
“No,” I replied. Insert awkward silence… It wasn’t intentional. I just didn’t know what to say. Do I tell her I have 2 dogs and a husband so sometimes it feels like I have children?
“Oh,” she smiled, “You must be too young.”
Since then I have imagined incredibly entertaining scenarios where I give people an honest answer to this question. It would go something like this:
“Do you have children?”
“No”
“Oh, you must be too young.”
“No. I’m infertile.”
How awkward would that be!
But mostly, it’s a very silent piece of my life, and I can’t say I mind. You see, I never know how I’m going to handle it when someone brings “it” up. Especially if it’s someone I’ve never talked to about “it”. It hasn’t happened often, but it usually ends badly. So maybe a better way to say it is that I am ambivalent about how I feel about my silence. Maybe that’s why I am writing about it here.
In any case, I always thought this was incredibly intuitive and sensitive of our friends and family to not ask. But then I remembered the last time someone did. What I suspect now is that word got around, and not that everyone we know is necessarily an empath.
We were on a sunset hike with them when they told us A. just confirmed she was pregnant. We were so excited for them! It was all joy and hugs and congratulations. But then they asked us if we were planning on having kids some day, and to my horror I burst into tears. What was supposed to be all about them turned into our story. A. spent the rest of our hike consoling me, while cute husband and K. exchange war stories of getting their swimmers checked. That part actually was really funny. It’s not every day two grown, respectable men compare experiences about whacking off in public places with Nurse Ratchet right around the corner.
